she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
