??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
that is very illegal...i love you.
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