Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
