Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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