If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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