i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
