Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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