I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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