my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
