she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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