While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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