hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
