The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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