is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
