Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
