It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
