Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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