he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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