I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
