she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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