So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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