who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had to cum in my sink.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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