the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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