I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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