he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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