We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
