I can't watch pbs sober anymore
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
