Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
