Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
