he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
