I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
