Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
