My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
