Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
