I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
