Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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