i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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