they need to just BURY HIM!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
