I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
