I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
