Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
