i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
