I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
