I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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