Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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