YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
