I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
