I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
