you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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