After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
